another day in the calendar

it's been 14hours i've been awake now. believe it or not, it's not my 14hours of life. i gave it to someone else. literally. but the 14hours was empty as a drum. maybe in an hour or two, it will be utilized, but i'm just hoping for the worst. nevermind bout me, it has never been about me anyways.

i want to be a dreamer

Everyone has the rights to have dreams, not 1, several in fact. However, it should be realistic, but sky is the limit.

My dream basically is to have an easy living. Nothing too extravagant, just to own a place where i can call home, someone that i could care about, vice-versa, achievement that i can be proud of, skills which will come handy when times are hard. That's pretty much what i dream of having. Right now, i have none of the abovementioned stuffs, but i'm sure i'm closing in on it.

I have come to my senses that if i keep complaining about what's happening around me, instead of turning them into opportunity, then I'll be going nowhere. I'm very fond of saying "It's Not Easy Being Me", but the fact is, every individual differs from one another. No 2 person have the same way of living so I really can't compare myself to anyone.

Trying to think positive isn't as easy as it sounds, because it takes a lot of patience and determination. As success never comes easy, even if it does, u still have to work your ass off to stay there.

Stranded

There are times where i feel like the world is closing in on me.
There are times where i feel a dark cloud upon me.
There are times where the sun just don't shine anymore.
There are times where the air i breathe becomes thinner.

Is it just me?
What made me feel this way?
Is it all just made-up?
Is it something that will last for a long, long time?

My days aren't as bright as it used to be.
My garden of roses doesn't bloom no more.
My river of purity doesn't seem to flow.
My senses have no direction.

I'm stranded.
Alone.
Cold.
I'm deprived.

dont ask me why

dont ask me why..
dont you fuckin ask me why..
coz you were never there..
you were never there..

dont ask me why..
dont you fucking ask me why..
coz you never intended to know..
you never did..

so stop asking why..
and take a few steps back..
re-evaluating the situation..
instead of asking why..

Thoughts..

until when?
why are you like this?
isn't there anything good to say?
isn't there any excitement left?
is it just plain empty?
is it because it's fated this way?

i don't mind the change of seasons,
but i don't want winter all year long,
as much as i'm longing for spring to come,
i'm left helplessly unattended.

i see the sun shining everyday,
but yet it's cold outside,
and when the moon takes over,
it seemed like it will never be day again.

with every acid rain,
it knocks me down so hard,
i'm buried to the ground,
so deep down under.

i wish to feel warmth,
i want to breathe again,
but with every step that i make,
i get more uncertain.

doing something without a clue,
a surprise in paradise,
however i feel 'm never going to get there,
without the headlights on my soul carrier.

a monster's reflection isn't what it thinks it's looking at.
or at least it denies it.

dear mum..

its been a year now. not having u around has left a big impact on me. there's no one i can to turn to anymore, no one who knows what i'm going thru at difficult times. i just wish we did something earlier to prevent the cancer from spreading, however GOD didnt want u to suffer any longer.. i hope u'r resting in peace with daddy by ur side. u can be rest assured that i will not forget you. i regretted the moment when i didnt keeep my promise to you eventho u were goin thru hell at that time. if only i cud turn back time, i wud rather endure the pain u felt. i know it wasnt easy, for u, and for the rest of us.

Dear Mum, i just want u to know that i love you from the bottom of my heart, i'm so thankful to have u as my mother, u;re the best mum anyone cud ever have, and i'm greatful enough to be brought into the world by you. i just hope that u had forgiven all my wrong doinga.

there's no way of expressing my emotions right now, only god kknows what i'm going thru. all in all, thanks for being such a wonderful parent to us all. u'll always be remembered by the people who knows u..

I LOVE U MUM.. rest in peace..
Al Fatihah..

new year

it was a pleasant surprise to see a familiar face at the corner of the bar where i work. nothing beats the gift i got tonight. thanks for being present.

it's 5am now. my friends are out partying, having a wonderful time, and i'm at home talking to lucyfer the cat. he won't stop bugging me asking to be stroked n fed. i need a rest. i'll enjoy the remaining of the new year in about a few hours from now. still haven't got a clue how to do that, but i'm pretty positive it'll be a great 1.

hmm.. a swim perhaps?