as usual

i'm all alone not doing anything in particular, just lazying around tossing and turning, hoping time will move faster that way, but it doesn't. i'm pretty much comfortable with the way it is now. i don't wish to change it for the time being. when i'm really on my toes, i'm really on my toes and when i have nothing to do, i'll just laze around. doesn't sound like a crime does it? without commitments, humans aren't that stuck up and serious. i like that idea. don't get stressed out too much. everyone needs a break once in a while.

take a break then!

i'm totally blank

why does 24 hours a day feels like there's only 16 hours to live? day and night are being shorter each day. time is so limited that everything needs to be done in a rush. it all just don't add up! and when we do have that little extra time, we run out of ideas on what to do. does that mean that we are losing excitement in life? how do we light up the spark? we tend to do the same thing day in and day out without even giving thought on whether we should keep doing it or just turning a new leaf? even if we decide to change, how long can it sustain? good times are hard to achieve when happiness is subjective. risk takers are idiots and people who plan are just plain boring. those who rely solely on destiny will end up nowhere, so what type of person should i be??

u

i miss someone

bits 'n' pieces

its almost a year. or has it already been a year? wow! how time flies.. familytime is long gone!
apart from that...... ,
i can still hear mum's shrieking voice piercing through my earlobes calling us siblings for dinner. but that was last year. around this time in 2008, we were knocked down by the fact that life's a bitch, and there were nothing we could do that would have changed it.
on another note, the only remembrance when i were still under supervision is actually my spiders! my sister freaked when she found out i got them, and after sometimes, she cooled down. and my babies now? they are FREAQIN HUGE!! n still growing =) hehe..
my scorps are all dead, too much heat, unfertilized bedding, n perhaps the non-organic tree managed to kill a few. damn!
my python is having a ball. he/she's as happy as any snake can be while being kept captive. eating well, sleeping well, coiling well, most importantly sizing well. god knows what i'm gonna get next. hehe. maybe i should get something for myself as my own housewarming gift! huh!
talking bout that. still waiting for $$$ and when i get it, i'm getting my own casa! no more refugee camp! LOL i want i want i want my own house. can forget bout buying new car and/or bike for a while =( how i wish i was rich filthy rich.

that's about it for now. till i think of what to write the next tym. goodnyt myself!

hungry

3.55 19/06/2010

hungry..hungry..hungry..
neverending work..work..work..
restless nights..
need energy to run..run..run..
lets get running..

Candy Tweaks

these past few weeks have been the hardest for me. i'm struggling to live day by day, but i guess i'm keeping up pretty well. thanks to past experience. afterall only those who have been thru hardship will appreciate life better. with limited time and limited resources, it's tough to do anything. i'm on my own now, i opt to be this way, this is life by choice! i'm glad i did this, otherwise i will always remain as somebody else's shadow. life's like a candy, the sweetness will only last for so long. it really comes down to how much candy can u consume in a lifetime. even after a while, u'll get sick of sweetness and resort to diabetes, that's when u know u need to stay away from d sweetness for a while, mayb forever. but it doesn't mean that u can't enjoy another candy ever for the remaining of your life.

a guy never admits that he's lost.

but i'm not those guys. i'm lost. lost my sense of direction in life.

another day in the calendar

it's been 14hours i've been awake now. believe it or not, it's not my 14hours of life. i gave it to someone else. literally. but the 14hours was empty as a drum. maybe in an hour or two, it will be utilized, but i'm just hoping for the worst. nevermind bout me, it has never been about me anyways.

i want to be a dreamer

Everyone has the rights to have dreams, not 1, several in fact. However, it should be realistic, but sky is the limit.

My dream basically is to have an easy living. Nothing too extravagant, just to own a place where i can call home, someone that i could care about, vice-versa, achievement that i can be proud of, skills which will come handy when times are hard. That's pretty much what i dream of having. Right now, i have none of the abovementioned stuffs, but i'm sure i'm closing in on it.

I have come to my senses that if i keep complaining about what's happening around me, instead of turning them into opportunity, then I'll be going nowhere. I'm very fond of saying "It's Not Easy Being Me", but the fact is, every individual differs from one another. No 2 person have the same way of living so I really can't compare myself to anyone.

Trying to think positive isn't as easy as it sounds, because it takes a lot of patience and determination. As success never comes easy, even if it does, u still have to work your ass off to stay there.

Stranded

There are times where i feel like the world is closing in on me.
There are times where i feel a dark cloud upon me.
There are times where the sun just don't shine anymore.
There are times where the air i breathe becomes thinner.

Is it just me?
What made me feel this way?
Is it all just made-up?
Is it something that will last for a long, long time?

My days aren't as bright as it used to be.
My garden of roses doesn't bloom no more.
My river of purity doesn't seem to flow.
My senses have no direction.

I'm stranded.
Alone.
Cold.
I'm deprived.

dont ask me why

dont ask me why..
dont you fuckin ask me why..
coz you were never there..
you were never there..

dont ask me why..
dont you fucking ask me why..
coz you never intended to know..
you never did..

so stop asking why..
and take a few steps back..
re-evaluating the situation..
instead of asking why..

Thoughts..

until when?
why are you like this?
isn't there anything good to say?
isn't there any excitement left?
is it just plain empty?
is it because it's fated this way?

i don't mind the change of seasons,
but i don't want winter all year long,
as much as i'm longing for spring to come,
i'm left helplessly unattended.

i see the sun shining everyday,
but yet it's cold outside,
and when the moon takes over,
it seemed like it will never be day again.

with every acid rain,
it knocks me down so hard,
i'm buried to the ground,
so deep down under.

i wish to feel warmth,
i want to breathe again,
but with every step that i make,
i get more uncertain.

doing something without a clue,
a surprise in paradise,
however i feel 'm never going to get there,
without the headlights on my soul carrier.

a monster's reflection isn't what it thinks it's looking at.
or at least it denies it.

dear mum..

its been a year now. not having u around has left a big impact on me. there's no one i can to turn to anymore, no one who knows what i'm going thru at difficult times. i just wish we did something earlier to prevent the cancer from spreading, however GOD didnt want u to suffer any longer.. i hope u'r resting in peace with daddy by ur side. u can be rest assured that i will not forget you. i regretted the moment when i didnt keeep my promise to you eventho u were goin thru hell at that time. if only i cud turn back time, i wud rather endure the pain u felt. i know it wasnt easy, for u, and for the rest of us.

Dear Mum, i just want u to know that i love you from the bottom of my heart, i'm so thankful to have u as my mother, u;re the best mum anyone cud ever have, and i'm greatful enough to be brought into the world by you. i just hope that u had forgiven all my wrong doinga.

there's no way of expressing my emotions right now, only god kknows what i'm going thru. all in all, thanks for being such a wonderful parent to us all. u'll always be remembered by the people who knows u..

I LOVE U MUM.. rest in peace..
Al Fatihah..